Tuesday, December 1, 2009

How to Succeed in Economics and Football by Derek Llambias

Programme notes in Saturdays programme for the Swansea game from Derek llambias:

"You will of course be fully aware of the plans to sell the naming rights of the stadium and I would like to take this opportunity to explain our thoughts on this in order to appreciate and understand that it makes undoubted economic sense for the club.

"Firstly, to allay fears regarding the name of the ground, we will never lose the St.James' name. That is part of our history and heritage, a name that is known throughout world football.

"What we are doing, and Chelsea are following suit as I'm sure a number of other major clubs will do too, is bringing in more money to the Club which will go entirely towards the strengthening of the team - and that must surely be of benefit to everyone who supports Newcastle United.

"On Sky Sports recently, you may have heard local businessman and recent prospective buyer Barry Moat, endorsing the idea that naming rights need to be explored by saying 'if it gets the right players on the pitch and gives you the right entertainment on a Saturday, then where do I sign?' He understands that football is big business these days and I'd like to thank Barry for all his support."

I'm glad Derek took the time to explain that to us all. His big business brain is clearly working on another level to ours. We all presumed he was just doing it to wind up the fans, but it seems we couldn't grasp the real reason...he's doing it for money.

Now that the complicated economics have been explained to me I feel quite the fool for having missed it. In fact it gave me another idea. Why doesn't Mike Ashley promise to wear a hat with "cunt" written on it at the next game if the fans can raise £200,000?

If every one of us who was at the game on Saturday had chipped in a fiver each, he could have been in the papers wearing that hat the very next day.

To allay fears regarding the name of the owner, we will never lose the Mike Ashley name. That is part of his twattery and incompetence, a name that is known throughout world football and associated with abject failure.

What we'd be doing is bringing more money to the Club which could go nowhere near the strengthening of the team - but would cover some of Mike's losses and that would surely be of benefit to everyone who supports Newcastle United because he'll then be able to leave sooner.
"As you know, Mike made it clear after the end of last season that he was trying to sell the club and although there were a number of interested parties, none of them were able to match the £100million asking price."
Contradicts what Derek himself said in July "There have been more than two bids at £100m,"

"As a result, Mike decided that the best course of action, one that would put the welfare of the club at the top of the agenda, would be to remove the club from the market and concentrate solely on the aim that everyone connected with the club passionately desires - promotion straight back to the Premier League."
The club was taken off the market on October 28th, only days after Mike insulted every one of his 'customers' with the false claim that "I spend more than every other fan put together puts into the club each year." If Mike has the best interests of the club at heart, he really should stop slagging off it's main source of income.....and start making that "cunt" hat.

"His commitment is unwavering and the additional large sums of money he has recently pumped into the club amply demonstrate that."
Which large sums of money? Was there a fee involved with Marlon harewood i didn't hear about? Was the £25m of transfer income earned over the summer handed to an agent to ensure the best talent once we're promoted, like magic beans on the never never?

"I would urge all supporters of this truly great football club to come together, get behind the team"
42,000 fans did exactly that on Saturday, and have done all season. There's no need whatsoever to urge it.

"Whatever grievances you may or may not have, put them to one side for the benefit of seeing Newcastle United regain their position in the elite of English football."

"When this stadium is packed and in full voice, there is nowhere quite like it, and if we can stay positive and get right behind Chris [Hughton] and the players, then hopefully we can stay at the top of the Championship and win promotion at the first attempt."

"Mike and myself are here to do our absolute best for Newcastle United and with you on board, we fervently believe we can deliver a successful football club for you to take pride and joy in."

Why would we need to put grievances to one side? We support the team fantastically, they're playing well, we're 8 points clear of the play offs, we take pride in our performance on the stands and the players take pride in their performance on the pitch. The players hate Mike Ashley as much as the fans do and would join in with "fat cockney bastard" if they weren't concentrating on the game.